Just Give Him Your Wallet

1:28 am, 2/16/06

Just Give Him Your Wallet
In his State of Bizarre-o World address, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich blamed everything in the world on the federal government. Yet while the federal government is shrinking the deficit, Blago continues to just plain make up numbers.

In a speech that often sounded more political than financial, Gov. Rod Blagojevich asked lawmakers Wednesday to increase state spending by nearly $1 billion as he seeks to launch a wide array of election-year education, health and public safety programs.

Blagojevich proposed a major expansion of preschool programs, a new tax credit to help families pay for college and a five-year plan to support stem-cell research.

He also called for ending $198 million worth of tax breaks for business, taking $144 million out of special-purpose funds and increasing cigar taxes by $10 million.

"We are all in the business of choosing," he said in a 37-minute address. "What you say 'yes' and 'no' to defines who you are, what you stand for, what values you believe in and whose side you're on. So I'm asking you, say 'yes' to our kids."

Oh my God. Just reading this makes me want to rub hot chili peppers into my eyeballs for the sense of relief it would bring.

Republicans at times reacted to his proposals with jeers and laughter - particularly when he declared the state's pension systems in stronger shape than ever. This year's budget and Blagojevich's proposal for the next one depend on sharply reducing contributions to the troubled pensions.

Blagojevich has never made an appropriate joke in his life, like the time he jokingly threatened to beat a reporter with a shovel.

"I think it was Enron math," Senate Minority Leader Frank Watson, R-Greenville, said afterward. "How can he say that? How can he be so outrageous?"

Blagojevich reminded his audience that he inherited a financial mess when he took office. He said he avoided the temptation to raise taxes or slash vital services, instead choosing to cut the number of state employees and slow the growth in many government programs.

Yet, somewhere, he found $20 million to pay the state's new army of bricklayers, and more for his tax-subsidized flights to Springfield because he considers himself too good to live in the seat of government, and more for... Oh, why do I even try.

At the same time, he said, the state put new money into key areas.

"We dug ourselves out of the worst fiscal crisis in our state's history. We did it while investing more in education. We did it while giving more people health care. And we did it without raising the income tax or the sales tax," he said.

I'm not sure if the Governor is aware of this, but simply ignoring your bills does not constitute "digging yourself out of a financial crisis". If I didn't pay any of my bills for a year, my checking account would look pretty good at the end, too, right up to the point when the Visa and Mastercard people have it frozen.

Blagojevich would not answer questions after the speech.

I wouldn't either. In fact, I'd have the Teamsters stuff a couple reporters in the trunk of the limo until their stories ran, as insurance.

But some of the ideas he trumpeted involve little money or don't really take effect until future years.

The first new proposal in the speech, for instance, was an initiative to streamline government administrative services. But that would be put in place over five years and have no impact on staffing levels in the upcoming budget.

Uh, isn't that what the Department of Central Mangement Services was for? You know, the organization meant to streamline government services to ended up funding parties for the awarding of their own contracts, then hired an expensive consultant to come in and find out why they couldn't stop spending money?

Blagojevich also discussed $10 million in grants to help schools reduce class-size but didn't point out that it is just a one-year program.

Blagojevich's budget calls for state government to spend $55.3 billion in fiscal 2007, an increase of $950 million, or 1.7 percent.

Republicans mockingly cheered the claim that the deficit has been eliminated....Reacting to criticism over his handling of pensions, Blagojevich said he has come up with several ideas to provide more money. One is to give the pensions any proceeds from the eventual sale of an unused casino license. Another is to come up with more ideas to provide money.

One of his ideas to provide more money is to come up with more ideas to provide money. Do not adjust your monitor: You have entered the "Blagojevich Zone".

Why can't he sell Official State of Illinois product endorsements, such as an official state credit card and an official state soft drink? Oh, he already tried that, and nobody wanted to be endorsed by Blagojevich.

After years of reducing the number of state employees, Blagojevich proposes to hire about 1,100, bringing the total to 58,490.

Again, the only way he can create jobs is by hiring people directly. The State of Illinois is one giant government jobs program.

Blagojevich added a new twist to his fourth budget address. A screen behind him displayed charts and photos - of everything from doughnuts to cute children - as he spoke.

"It's the best campaign speech I've heard in a long time," said Rep. Bill Black, R-Danville. "His delivery was phenomenal. The PowerPoint added to the impact."

I've seen Blagojevich speak. The PowerPoint was the best part. Colleagues respond:

"These are all wonderful things, but at some point we have to pay for these things," said GOP Gubernatorial Primary Candidate Judy Baar Topinka.

"He is literally bankrupting the state. And to kid about the fact that he's actually funding the pensions. I mean, the people are going to see through it," said GOP Gubernatorial Primary Candidate and state legislator Bill Brady.

"While there's no question it's the best speech he's ever given, I think the fact is the governor's going to be a tough guy to beat come this November," said Sen. John Cullerton. "Because of the fact when you can tell the Republicans right to their face that you’ve never raised taxes, it takes a lot of fight out of their belly."

Democratic primary challenger Edwin Eisendrath was also on hand for the speech.

"He gives a very good speech, but it's an old message. A lot of parts of his speech are just recycled from old ones, land fill gas tax, canned software tax." Eisendrath said. "All these tax increases are old. The legislature has already turned them down. He keeps trying to raise these taxes and fees."

What his critics call taxes, the governor prefers to describe as closing corporate loopholes.

Illinois may crash and burn, but just before it does, Blagojevich will eject, clutching a shoebox full of crisp $100 bills.