You're Durbinated
It's Dick Durbin versus reality:

The poll conducted by Rasmussen Reports found 36 percent of respondents believe the prisoners are being treated "better than they deserve," while 34 percent said "about right."

Just 20 percent of Americans polled believed detainees have been treated unfairly.

There were stark differences of opinion based on party affiliation with just 7 percent of Republicans saying Guantanomo prisoners are treated unfairly. Thirty percent of Democrats hold that view along with 22 percent of those not affiliated with either major party.

The Rasmussen poll found 14 percent agree that prisoner treatment at Gitmo is similar to Nazi tactics. Sixty-nine percent disagree with that comparison.

That 14 percent is what Durbin calls "the base", and that's left Frank J. thinking about appropriate punishment.

Senator Durbin should be neutered. What he said didn't come even close to responsible speech; he might as well start asking Al Qaeda for pay as a PR agent. Censure isn't enough for that, so I think neutering is a good start. If Durbin were to produce little Durbins, obviously no one would want them. Thus neutering Durbin is the humane thing to do plus sets a good example for pet owners.

Next, a metal garbage pail should be put over his head, and all the other senators should take turns hitting the pail with a stick. Hopefully, this can be done in a bipartisan way. After that, he'll be dazed and confused. This will be a good time to dress him up in a tutu and parade him through the streets. If he mumbles something about his treatment comparable to what the Nazis did, make sure the crowd on the street has plenty of tomatoes and eggs.

When Durbin is marched back to the Senate hall, next should come the old tradition of ripping off his Senator badge and forcing him to eat his own poo. Finally, the public gets to wait in line to pummel him with wiffle ball bats.

All of this should make it quite clear that Durbin's slander was inappropriate, thus there is no reason to then kick him out of the Senate. Instead, he should be given a job as cashier at the Senate's cafeteria so he can still talk to his Senate friends but not be able to vote on legislation...

I think we can all agree this is a reasonable and appropriate punishment for Dick Durbin. Let's get the Senate to start voting on it as we pick out a trustworthy veterinarian to neuter him.

Unfortunately for Frank J., the "Neuter Dick Durbin" ship has already sailed. One major Illinois Democrat, it turns out, did manage to find the testicular virility to whip out the snips: Caesar has spoken.

The Anti-Defamation League on Thursday joined lawmakers and other groups in calling for an apology for comparing the activities of U.S. troops to those of Nazis. Then, Chicago's Democratic mayor, Richard M. Daley, declared: "I think it's a disgrace to say that any man or woman in the military would act like that."

In response, Dick Durbin began crying.

Durbin, the Democratic whip, acknowledged that "more than most people, a senator lives by his words" but that "occasionally words will fail us and occasionally we will fail words." Choking up, he said: "Some may believe that my remarks crossed the line. To them, I extend my heartfelt apologies."

He singled out the victims of the Holocaust, which Durbin called "the greatest moral tragedy of our time," as well as U.S. troops.

Durbin said his biggest concern is the perception of troops serving in Afghanistan and Iraq. His voiced quavered when he said in his floor speech yesterday, "When you look at the eyes of the soldiers, you see your son and daughter. I never, never intended any disrespect for them."

Durbin can't conceal his earlier defense of his true lunacy with this. He's not crying because he's sorry, he's crying because he's in trouble, and he should still be grounded.

See you in 2008, Dick.

Durbin's Throne of Skulls
Mark Steyn on Dick Durbin:

Throughout the last campaign season, senior Democrats had a standard line in their speeches, usually delivered with righteous anger, about how "nobody has a right to question my patriotism!" Given that nobody was questioning their patriotism, it seemed an odd thing to harp on about. But, aware of their touchiness on the subject, I hasten to add that in what follows I am not questioning Dick Durbin's patriotism, at least not for the first couple of paragraphs. Instead, I'll begin by questioning his sanity.

...The "atrocities" he enumerated -- "Not only was the temperature unbearably hot, but extremely loud rap music was being played in the room" -- are not characteristic of the Nazis, the Soviets or Pol Pot, and, at the end, the body count in Gitmo was a lot lower. That's to say, it was zero, which would have been counted a poor day's work in Auschwitz or Siberia or the killing fields of Cambodia.

But give Durbin credit. Every third-rate hack on every European newspaper can do the Americans-are-Nazis schtick. Amnesty International has already declared Guantanamo the "gulag of our times." But I do believe the senator is the first to compare the U.S. armed forces with the blood-drenched thugs of Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge. Way to go, senator! If you had a dime for every crackpot Web site that takes up your thoughtful historical comparison, you'd be able to retire to the Caribbean and spend the rest of your days torturing yourself with hot weather and loud music, as well as inappropriately provocative women and insufficient choice of hors d'oeuvres and all the other shameful atrocities committed at Guantanamo....

One measure of a civilized society is that words mean something: "Soviet" and "Nazi" and "Pol Pot" cannot equate to Guantanamo unless you've become utterly unmoored from reality. Spot the odd one out: 1) mass starvation; 2) gas chambers; 3) mountains of skulls; 4) lousy infidel pop music turned up to full volume. One of these is not the same as the others, and Durbin doesn't have the excuse that he's some airhead celeb or an Ivy League professor. He's the second-ranking Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee. Don't they have an insanity clause?

No, but they do have censure, and Barack Obama, if he were serious about representing Illinoisans and protecting what frayed strands of integrity the Illinois Democrats have, might consider leading that charge, especially considering Durbin's hilarious "Abraham Lincoln might've been a Jew if..." jokes. Durbin's comments are quite typical for a fringe leftist, but are odious and repulsive to pretty much every mainstream demographic of Illinoisans. This isn't what he was elected to do.

Meanwhile, Citizen Smash notes that an actual survivor of a mad regime's prison camp isn't too thrilled, either.

Senator Durbin,

As one who was held in a North Vietnamese Prison for nearly seven years and whose definition of torture and bad treatment is somewhat at variance with yours, I deplore your senseless comments about alleged "barbaric treatment" at our terrorist detention facility at Guantanamo.

...I tried to think of why a rational human being could make such an outlandish statement but I keep coming up short....

I noted, when searching for your contact information, that the first item Google came up with was al Jazeera's joy at your comments. You, sir, for having aided and abetted the enemy in time of war, have been relegated in my mind to the status of Jane Fonda and your colleague, John Kerry as contemptible traitors.

I hope not too many of our valiant members of the Armed Forces have to suffer for your stupid comments. Shame on you.

Sincerely,
Paul E. Galanti
Commander, U.S. Navy (Ret.)

Gee, do you get the sense Durbin struck a chord?

Dick Watch
Captain Ed ponders Durbin's latest statement:

Durbin: I'm Sorry You Didn't Comprehend My Genius

"I have learned from my statement that historical parallels can be misused and misunderstood. I sincerely regret if what I said caused anyone to misunderstand my true feelings: Our soldiers around the world and their families at home deserve our respect, admiration and total support."

He says that he regrets if others misunderstood his "true feelings", not that what he said was wrong and historically inept. Basically, this is the translation one is meant to hear:

I'm sorry you were too stupid to understand me.

Durbin went on to specifically tell a Chicago radio audience he has no regrets about his vile comments. He's not sorry he said it, he's sorry he got caught. The perfect Illinois Democrat.

Bipartisan censure is clearly the appropriate response to Durbin's idiocy, but where is the rest of the Illinois leadership? The Senate is, in a sense, the state's embassy to the federal government. Why aren't Governor Blagojevich and Durbin's junior colleague, the Infallible Obama, stepping up to remind the country that Durbin's ill-conceived comments do not reflect Illinois or even the Illinois Democrats? Even Emperor Daley was able to raise a son with the perspective needed to enlist in the Army Airborne, no strings attached.

I think they have a duty to speak out on our behalf and disassociate the people of this state from Durbin, because we're the ones Durbin disgraces. Really, what Illinois needs to see right now is video of Obama reaching across several rows of seats in the Senate in order to backhand Durbin repeatedly.

Goldilocks and the Tortured Bears II
Following up on this post, my goodness it certainly is difficult to get through to Durbin's office. Are a bunch of people calling him, for some reason? Didn't Hitler make a point of ensuring concentration camps had inadequate telephone service?

Instead of telling Durbin where to go, I guess we'll have to enjoy Michelle Malkin's roundup, including this from Scrappleface: "Rumsfeld promises Durbin better treatment at Gitmo".

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by Illinois politicians are solely those of the politicians and do not necessarily represent those of the people of the State of Illinois.

Update: The Chicago Tribune!?

Here we thought Sen. Dick Durbin had a cushy job that he likes....

Nazis? Soviets? Pol Pot? Mad regimes?

Durbin's comparison of U.S. interrogators to governments that together killed millions of people makes him look desperate for attention. Well, he's created a lot of discussion about Dick Durbin. We suspect that was the goal all along.

Perhaps, though, citizens should be grateful. At least Durbin has stopped repeating that odd little joke about President Lincoln--that he must have been Jewish because his first name was Abraham and he was shot in the temple.

We know what Durbin thinks about the treatment of Guantanamo prisoners. So what's the proper treatment of our coverage-hungry senior senator when he displaces the ever-present microphone long enough to insert his foot in his mouth? Ignore him. That would be torture.

As I recall, Durbin told that joke at the opening of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum in front of a huge crowd, a good jog from the man's tomb. I believe it was broadcast live on C-SPAN. Durbin thought he was hysterical, but the audience, aghast, fell to dead silence, as though Durbin had just sworn to sacrifice a fuzzy orange kitten to Allah that very night. Clearly, Durbin is some kind of monster for making such a joke. Another Hitler, Stalin, or Pol Pot.

Even the Chicago papers are on his back, but no, let's not ignore him. He's a complete morlock, and a humiliating disgrace to this state. We need to make sure he ends up exactly where he belongs.

Update: Hah! Letters from the desk of Senator Durbin:

Customer Relations Department
United Airlines
Elk Grove Village, IL

Dear Sir or Madam:

In the dark annals of human evil, history has recorded the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocides, and Stalin's mass starvation program. And now, United Airlines flight 671 from Reagan International to Chicago O'Hare on June 3rd, 2005. I know, because I am a survivor of that dark exemplar of man's cruelty to man.

Perhaps I should have known what I was in for when your brusque gate agent refused to issue an upgrade to me for the flight (despite being a Premier/1K member for over 10 years), or when your flight crew Gestapo confiscated my carry on Roll Tote (even though I had nearly fit it into the overhead bin). But the true measure of the horror did not dawn on me until me and my fellow passengers were left taxiing on the O'Hare tarmack for over twenty minutes in the Auschwitzian Airbus A320 cattlecar, in temperatures approaching 85 degrees, not knowing our fates or whether we would make it to our fundraising dinners.

Santayana once said, "those who forget history are doomed to repeat it." And I say to you and your fellow United criminals: "never again," unless you credit my account at least 2 flight segments for this travesty.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC

cc: Human Rights Watch
cc: Amnesty International

Read the whole thing. Totally worth it.

Goldilocks and the Tortured Bears
Dick Durbin spits in the eye of Godwin's Law:

When you read some of the graphic descriptions of what has occurred here [at Guantanamo Bay]--I almost hesitate to put them in the [Congressional] Record, and yet they have to be added to this debate....If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime--Pol Pot or others--that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners.

Durbin's Nazi-Soviet-Khmer Rouge torture? One prisoner was too hot and another was too cold, with no word on if the third was just right. Some had urinated on themselves and another decided to pull out some of his own hair. Now, that isn't "the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners", that's the action of a prisoner in the treatment of himself, but they didn't bother to make that distinction about the prisoners desecrating their own Korans, either. Plucking out hair is also what almost every creature with hair or feathers is known to do when it gets really nervous, as anyone who deals with strays can probably tell you. Yet another of Durbin's tragic victims was made to listen to rap music, which, admittedly, is pretty awful.

Yes, Dick, it's a prison, and the people there are unhappy. I know it's a shock.

Durbin's opinions are consistently about as refreshing as a toasty mug of feces on a winter morn. If you're looking for something more appetizing, you can order your copy of the Gitmo Cookbook and prepare for yourself the same delicious Navy meals being served to detainees at Camp X-Ray, modified for Islamic dietary restrictions.

Update: Frank J. on Senator Hyperbole:

Yeah, I remember the horror stories of the lack of air conditioning in the Nazi concentration camps (who wants to bet my brother in Iraq is dealing with hotter weather right now in his un-air conditioned tank?). Pol Pot, though, loved to turn up on the AC on his dissenters, that monster! Oh, and then there was the notorious use of the Notorious B.I.G. in the Soviet gulags.

I'm sorry; not only is this nuts for a Senator - a U.S. Senator - to say, but it would even be exceptional on the Democratic Underground. Some Republican Senator needs to show resolve and smack Durbin around the Senate floor until he gets some sense to him. Or we can send him to a gulag in North Korea to listen to rap music in an overly air conditioned room.

Actually, I think Obama ought to get up and slap Durbin around the Senate floor. Durbin's antics over the last few years have made John Edwards look like a foreign policy mastermind and grizzled military genius in comparison. This man has never been competent to sit on the Senate, nevermind in this day and age.

Update II: What is it about Dick Durbin that makes people think of feces?

Return of "The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy"
My own beloved Senator, Dick Durbin, wants us to know that we are framing Howard Dean:

The No. 2 Democrat in the Senate yesterday blamed "the right wing" and elements of the press "in service to it" for repeating Howard Dean's remarks about Republicans and inflating them out of proportion.

"I think we all understand what's happening with you all," said Senate Minority Whip Richard J. Durbin, in remarks echoing Hillary Rodham Clinton's blaming a "vast right-wing conspiracy" for her husband's legal-ethical woes.

"The right wing has got the agenda moving. Fox [News Channel] and everybody's got the agenda. It's all about Howard Dean. You've bought into it," Mr. Durbin said.

"Bought into it"? Does Dean say these crazy, potentially drug-induced things or not? Did Dean or did Dean not drone on about the Soviet Union in the present tense? Did he or did he not say that abortions don't involve live fetuses? Did he or did he not say that Republicans are "evil" "white Christians" who all "behave the same" and "look the same", "corrupt", "brain-dead", "liars" who "have never made an honest living in their lives", who "are all about suppressing votes" and a "dark, dishonest vision" for America, yet simultaneously claims "we're not going to stoop to the kind of divisiveness the Republicans are doing"? (Oh no! I repeated them!) Did Dean or did Dean not publicly suggest the "Bush Knew" conspiracy theory?

Ladies and gentleman, the Senior Senator From Illinois (TM), Dick Durbin. He's lodged in there too deep to be removed without major surgery.

ABORTION! YEARGH!
Facts are to Democrats as sunlight is to vampires: I just got a copy of the June 3rd edition of the PRI Weekly Briefing in my email, which isn't up on their website yet, but I couldn't resist.

Hillary Clinton told a group of "family planning" activists on Jan. 24, 2005, "But unfortunately, in the last few years, while we are engaged in an ideological debate instead of one that uses facts and evidence and common sense, the rate of abortion is on the rise in some states. In the three years since President Bush took office, 8 states saw an increase in abortion rates (14.6% average increase), and four saw a decrease (4.3% average), so we have a lot of work still ahead of us."

As FactCheck noted, "Clinton was careful not to state flatly that abortions were increasing nationally. She spoke only of 'some states' in which the rate had increased. But she invited her listeners to conclude that the national trend to fewer abortions had reversed itself since Bush took office."

Said Kerry on NBC's "Meet the Press" a few days after Clinton spoke, "And do you know that in fact abortion has gone up in these last few years with the Draconian policies that Republicans have. . . ?"

And just last month, on the May 24 edition of "Meet the Press," Dean said, "You know that abortions have gone up 25% since George Bush was President?" Since Stassen's figures showed an increase of 4%, the source of Dean's number is a mystery. FactCheck says the DNC won't say where it originated. Maybe it came to Dean in a scream.

It seems like, oh, 30 minutes ago, the liberal position was that increased abortions were a sign of an open, tolerant, liberal society. What did the Democratic leadership find in their focus groups that finally led them to change their attitude? That they'd continue losing elections if they kept sucking up to hardcore liberals? (No! Tom Daschle said the problem is "political, not ideological", and that they just have to get their message out! Look where he is now!)

The origin of the claim is an opinion column:

The claim that abortions are rising again can be traced back to an opinion piece by Glen Harold Stassen, an ethics professor at Fuller Theological Seminary. His article originally appeared in a web and e-mail publication of Sojourners, a Christian magazine, in October 2004. Several other outlets, including the Houston Chronicle, also ran a similar piece co-authored by Stassen and journalist Gary Krane. The articles generated a good deal of discussion on a number of both liberal and conservative blogs.

Describing himself as "consistently pro-life," Stassen reported that he "analyzed the data on abortion during the Bush presidency" and reached some "disturbing" conclusions.

Stassen's contention appears to be that Bush drives women to abortion because the government isn't handing out "health care, health insurance, jobs, child care, and a living wage". Shouldn't Democrats be slipping into hysterics at their leadership citing a religious professor's falsehoods just like they do whenever Bush comes within 10 feet of religion whether he's right or not? Stassen argues that one of the huge problems is the collapse of the traditional family unit, something liberals again seem to contend is "social progress". Are Evangelical extremists taking over the Democratic Party?!?! Clearly, liberals should vote for Nader.

A close reading of Stassen's article makes clear that he didn't even pretend to have comprehensive national data on abortion rates. He said he looked at data from 16 states only -- and didn't even name most of them.

So Stassen was projecting findings onto the entire country from 12 states that he said had showed an increase and 5 (or maybe 4) that he said had shown a decrease. That leaves a total of 34 other states for which Stassen had no data whatsoever.

Furthermore, Stassen is contradicted by one of the very organizations whose data he cites....The Guttmacher Institute found that two of the states Stassen used had unreliable reporting systems. In Colorado, for instance, where Stassen claimed that rates "skyrocketed 111 percent," the reporting procedure had been recently changed in order to compensate for historic underreporting. Guttmacher also found Arizona had an inconsistent reporting system.

What it found was that the number of abortions decreased nationwide - by 0.8% in 2001 and by another 0.8% in 2002. The abortion rate, which is the number of women having abortions relative to the total population, also decreased 1% in 2001 and 0.9% in 2002. That's not as rapid a decrease as had been seen in earlier years, but it is a decrease nonetheless.

Even Stassen now concedes that he can't substantiate his original claim. In a memo dated May 25, which he sent to FactCheck.org just as we were posting our article, he praises the Guttmacher study and says it is "significantly better" than his own earlier effort...Nevertheless, Stassen still argues that the small rate of decline that Guttmacher reports still constitutes a "stall" in what had earlier been a more rapid decline.

A "stall" which took place in 1995 and has been pretty level since.

It's worth pointing out, of course, that a lot of data suggests that only perhaps a quarter of abortions are about economic circumstances, with only a few percent involving the mother's health, fetal health, rape, or incest. The vast bulk are matters of social convenience, and that's not even attempting to adjust for the likely huge number of people who said they couldn't afford the baby, but in truth, just didn't want to afford it. Stassen should reconsider his rather questionable notion that free healthcare will change somebody's mind when they have decided it's simply easy not to have a baby.

Who's Smarter Than Senator Dick Durbin?
Many species of octopus, for starters, but I digress.

Dick Durbin, December 19th:

"We can, and we should, armor every Humvee and every truck our troops use in Iraq and Afghanistan," Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., said in his party's weekly radio address. "No more excuses, no more delays. We can save hundreds of lives and prevent thousands of serious injuries."

Me, December 20th:

Also hilarious is Durbin's claim that we should up armor every Humvee. Does Durbin even know what a Humvee is for? ...a whole variety of roles that it cannot perform efficiently clunking down the road with hundreds of pounds of excess steel welded to the frame. Exactly which vehicle is supposed to perform the Humvee's duties if "every" Humvee is so encumbered? This is either Durbin's own ignorance, or pandering to voters unfamiliar with simple automotive engineering realities. The Humvee is not supposed to be an armored fighting vehicle, that's what armored fighting vehicles are for...

Strategy Page, March 21st:

The U.S. Army in Iraq is faced with a dramatic growth in the number of deaths from accidents involving Humvees ("hummers"). Last year, some 39 soldiers died in such accidents. But the rate of accidental deaths from these accidents has doubled in the last four months. That's about five percent of all deaths. Most of the accidents involve new hummers, the ones with armor installed at the factory. The hummer was always considered a safe vehicle, because it had a low center of gravity, and it’s width made is less prone to rollovers. But now there are more rollovers, and they appear to be caused by the increased weight of the armor, and the higher speeds troops use to avoid, or get away from, ambushes. Combat casualties have been falling sharply over the past three months, and part of that has to do with the high speed driving tactics adopted by troops using hummers.

Thank you, Senator Durbin. Also, special mention to Senator Kerry.

Instapundit's secretary, a combat engineer in Iraq, adds that the weight of the armor also increases maintenance costs: The extra weight just plain wears out the parts.

Up armor? Up yours!
Remember that National Guardsman who asked Rumsfeld why his unit was digging for scrap metal and ballistic glass to up armor their Humvees? Turns out, not only was he a media schill, but the premise was false.

Despite that, Illinois' beloved Senator Dick Durbin has jumped in head first.

The incoming deputy leader of Senate Democrats demanded answers Saturday from Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld as to why U.S. soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan lack protective equipment for themselves and their vehicles.

"We can, and we should, armor every Humvee and every truck our troops use in Iraq and Afghanistan," Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., said in his party's weekly radio address. "No more excuses, no more delays. We can save hundreds of lives and prevent thousands of serious injuries."

Congress has given the Bush administration all the defense spending it has requested, yet there are still 3,500 Humvees without protective armor and about 44,000 soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan without adequate body armor, Durbin said.

"The Pentagon says the lack of protective equipment is a matter of 'logistics,'" Durbin said. "No, it's not. It's a matter of leadership."

Durbin has absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Or, maybe he does, and is, shall we say, disingenuous.

"Leadership" can't make 3,500 armor kits and 44,000 sets of body armor appear out of nowhere. The convoluted policies cooked up by bureacrats in the Pentagon and Congress mean that it takes months or years to respond to these sort of new demands, and they are working on it. This is something that should have been budgeted for a decade ago when all Durbin's buddies were helping Clinton dismantle the military.

It sounds great to oppose "over the top" defense spending like buying tens of thousands pieces of body armor when there's no war on, until we get into one and it gets people killed. Then they find out it wasn't so "over the top" after all, and it's too late to do anything about it. The latest technology and common sense equipment (like, oh, say, hand radios) aren't "over the top", they're just expensive. That's part of the cost of doing business. (Missile defense won't seem so extravagent anymore, either, if someone pushes the button on us.)

When Rumsfeld said you go to war with the Army you have, he wasn't kidding. Providing for the common defense is one of the few Congressional powers and duties expressly outlined in the Constitution. This isn't a case of preparing to fight the last war, it's a case where bureaucrophiles couldn't be bothered to prepare for anything at all. If Clinton's people had had their way unchecked, our military would be run the way the Liberals run Canada's, sailing second-hand dented subs that burst into flames and reliant on Vietnam-era choppers that are highly effective and killing their passengers. No matter the case, from Durbin to McCain, they're looking for a scapegoat so no one scrutinizes their own roles.

Also hilarious is Durbin's claim that we should up armor every Humvee. Does Durbin even know what a Humvee is for? The Humvee, designed to replace the jeep, is for off-road transit, troop and cargo transport, a whole variety of roles that it cannot perform efficiently clunking down the road with hundreds of pounds of excess steel welded to the frame. Exactly which vehicle is supposed to perform the Humvee's duties if "every" Humvee is so encumbered? This is either Durbin's own ignorance, or pandering to voters unfamiliar with simple automotive engineering realities. The Humvee is not supposed to be an armored fighting vehicle, that's what armored fighting vehicles are for, and certain people should be held accountable for the fact that our military was not built to wage a war in the most effective way possible, rather than blaming Rumsfeld for doing what he can with what he was given. Our military should be engineered to meet our international commitments and fight in at least one full theatre, don't you think?