Grand Theft Auto: New Madrid

5:02 pm, 12/4/04

Grand Theft Auto: New Madrid
As your special treat for the weekend edition of Free Will, I decided to take the time to go over the full arsenal of allegations in Governor Blagojevich's security detail scandal, and not only did I not realize it was this bad, but it's hilarious. There are only so many times you can watch ABC 7 Chicago's clips of Blago and his entourage in leather jackets doing slow-motion "Reservoir Dogs" struts down the street like a gang of 50's street toughs before you have tears of laughter rolling down your cheeks.

See, it seems that when Blagojevich came into office, he stripped out the entire security detail and replaced it with a band of political allies. That's not normal, and not only are they undertrained, but they're pretty much his personal band of thugs, closing roads in other states as far away as California, picking up chicks, drinking on the job, and running over Volkswagens while doing 90 on the shoulder. All this is done under a confidentiality agreement that Hot Rod made them all sign. Blagojevich even has a "Football", just like the President.