Goldilocks and the Tortured Bears

8:03 pm, 6/16/05

Goldilocks and the Tortured Bears
Dick Durbin spits in the eye of Godwin's Law:

When you read some of the graphic descriptions of what has occurred here [at Guantanamo Bay]--I almost hesitate to put them in the [Congressional] Record, and yet they have to be added to this debate....If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime--Pol Pot or others--that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners.

Durbin's Nazi-Soviet-Khmer Rouge torture? One prisoner was too hot and another was too cold, with no word on if the third was just right. Some had urinated on themselves and another decided to pull out some of his own hair. Now, that isn't "the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners", that's the action of a prisoner in the treatment of himself, but they didn't bother to make that distinction about the prisoners desecrating their own Korans, either. Plucking out hair is also what almost every creature with hair or feathers is known to do when it gets really nervous, as anyone who deals with strays can probably tell you. Yet another of Durbin's tragic victims was made to listen to rap music, which, admittedly, is pretty awful.

Yes, Dick, it's a prison, and the people there are unhappy. I know it's a shock.

Durbin's opinions are consistently about as refreshing as a toasty mug of feces on a winter morn. If you're looking for something more appetizing, you can order your copy of the Gitmo Cookbook and prepare for yourself the same delicious Navy meals being served to detainees at Camp X-Ray, modified for Islamic dietary restrictions.

Update: Frank J. on Senator Hyperbole:

Yeah, I remember the horror stories of the lack of air conditioning in the Nazi concentration camps (who wants to bet my brother in Iraq is dealing with hotter weather right now in his un-air conditioned tank?). Pol Pot, though, loved to turn up on the AC on his dissenters, that monster! Oh, and then there was the notorious use of the Notorious B.I.G. in the Soviet gulags.

I'm sorry; not only is this nuts for a Senator - a U.S. Senator - to say, but it would even be exceptional on the Democratic Underground. Some Republican Senator needs to show resolve and smack Durbin around the Senate floor until he gets some sense to him. Or we can send him to a gulag in North Korea to listen to rap music in an overly air conditioned room.

Actually, I think Obama ought to get up and slap Durbin around the Senate floor. Durbin's antics over the last few years have made John Edwards look like a foreign policy mastermind and grizzled military genius in comparison. This man has never been competent to sit on the Senate, nevermind in this day and age.

Update II: What is it about Dick Durbin that makes people think of feces?