Goldilocks and the Tortured Bears II

6:23 pm, 6/17/05

Goldilocks and the Tortured Bears II
Following up on this post, my goodness it certainly is difficult to get through to Durbin's office. Are a bunch of people calling him, for some reason? Didn't Hitler make a point of ensuring concentration camps had inadequate telephone service?

Instead of telling Durbin where to go, I guess we'll have to enjoy Michelle Malkin's roundup, including this from Scrappleface: "Rumsfeld promises Durbin better treatment at Gitmo".

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by Illinois politicians are solely those of the politicians and do not necessarily represent those of the people of the State of Illinois.

Update: The Chicago Tribune!?

Here we thought Sen. Dick Durbin had a cushy job that he likes....

Nazis? Soviets? Pol Pot? Mad regimes?

Durbin's comparison of U.S. interrogators to governments that together killed millions of people makes him look desperate for attention. Well, he's created a lot of discussion about Dick Durbin. We suspect that was the goal all along.

Perhaps, though, citizens should be grateful. At least Durbin has stopped repeating that odd little joke about President Lincoln--that he must have been Jewish because his first name was Abraham and he was shot in the temple.

We know what Durbin thinks about the treatment of Guantanamo prisoners. So what's the proper treatment of our coverage-hungry senior senator when he displaces the ever-present microphone long enough to insert his foot in his mouth? Ignore him. That would be torture.

As I recall, Durbin told that joke at the opening of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum in front of a huge crowd, a good jog from the man's tomb. I believe it was broadcast live on C-SPAN. Durbin thought he was hysterical, but the audience, aghast, fell to dead silence, as though Durbin had just sworn to sacrifice a fuzzy orange kitten to Allah that very night. Clearly, Durbin is some kind of monster for making such a joke. Another Hitler, Stalin, or Pol Pot.

Even the Chicago papers are on his back, but no, let's not ignore him. He's a complete morlock, and a humiliating disgrace to this state. We need to make sure he ends up exactly where he belongs.

Update: Hah! Letters from the desk of Senator Durbin:

Customer Relations Department
United Airlines
Elk Grove Village, IL

Dear Sir or Madam:

In the dark annals of human evil, history has recorded the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocides, and Stalin's mass starvation program. And now, United Airlines flight 671 from Reagan International to Chicago O'Hare on June 3rd, 2005. I know, because I am a survivor of that dark exemplar of man's cruelty to man.

Perhaps I should have known what I was in for when your brusque gate agent refused to issue an upgrade to me for the flight (despite being a Premier/1K member for over 10 years), or when your flight crew Gestapo confiscated my carry on Roll Tote (even though I had nearly fit it into the overhead bin). But the true measure of the horror did not dawn on me until me and my fellow passengers were left taxiing on the O'Hare tarmack for over twenty minutes in the Auschwitzian Airbus A320 cattlecar, in temperatures approaching 85 degrees, not knowing our fates or whether we would make it to our fundraising dinners.

Santayana once said, "those who forget history are doomed to repeat it." And I say to you and your fellow United criminals: "never again," unless you credit my account at least 2 flight segments for this travesty.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC

cc: Human Rights Watch
cc: Amnesty International

Read the whole thing. Totally worth it.